Well, at the first of the day they were cold young girls then we went to Bear Lake and it was pretty hot. My wife is girl’s camp director which means she gets to spend 6 months planning for a week long event. She is really good at what she does and it always goes off splendidly. I’m sure they’d love for her to do it again another year, but I knocked her up. (We’re having a boy).
I volunteered to help. Of course I was careful about how I volunteered and chose the day they spent at the beach playing in the water instead of the day they do a five mile hike. Volunteering is hard I know, but sometimes you have to sacrifice. Part of my job was to make sure no one died. I figured that was a pretty easy task.
No one died.
However, I came awfully close when towards the end of our excursion I was talked into riding on the boat (aka suicide machine) one of the guys (Paul) brought up. I thought it was just one of those guy bonding things where he drives us out and shows off this awesome machine with 510HP. Guys do that. They buy expensive toys. They show the toys off to the other guys. The other guys get jealous, take out a 2nd mortage and buy a 550HP boat. (By the way that’s how SUV’s were invented. We started out with small pickups and the testosterone took over.)
Anyway, back to my near death experience. So I’m ready to go back because my wife said I could only play for 15 minutes and we needed to pack up and there is a schedule and I am an obedient husband and I do everything my wife says.
Then Paul says, “you guys want to ride the tube?” and I say no way, but Jeff (other guy with death wish) says, “sure.” Now I’m stuck with a life decision. Do I look like a wus and just ride in the boat or do I suck it up and take it like a man.
I take it like a man – literally.
The next moments of my life can only be described as excruciating excitement. It was kind of like being in a car accident and having a high powered water enema that lasted for 15 minutes. I had tried various water sports as a kid and remembered that they always ended in pain for me. Today I relearned that lesson.
At one point the tube goes vertical and I find myself flying through the air. A wave crashes over my head and I have a choice – save my sunglass and let go or hold on for dear life and maybe not die. I chose the latter and Bear Lake consumes a pair of Oakley sunglasses. Jeff had told me about a time he and some friends had a competition to see who could stay on a tube the longest. One of his buddies refused to let go and at one point he is faced with a choice – hold onto the tube and win or hold onto his swim trunks. He chose the first option and won, but returned to the boat butt naked. In light of that choice I’m glad all I lost was a pair of sunglasses.
90k buys you an amazing machine. I noticed that Paul always drives. I supposed that the other thing 90k buys you is plenty of opportunities to beat the crap out of your friends.
That’s 90k well spent.