Day 3. More driving. Always driving. We went to Tower and watched more water fall off rocks. That seems to happen a lot around here. There were a couple of colorful characters hanging around near the parking lot with a sign that said, “save the buffalo” or something like that. The guy was really hairy and looked like grizzly adams. I would think he should have a “save the bears” sign, but I guess they figured the bears with those big claws could take care of themselves. Next to the couple was a sign that said something like “first amendment at work.” Below that was something like the park service has nothing to do with these crazy nuts who haven’t showered in weeks. I’m glad the constitution still works. I told dad that we need to setup a booth. Something like “shoot the damn wolves” or “bison make great burgers.”
We ate lunch at Roosevelt and then hiked to ‘lost falls’ which earns its name, but we found it. The hike required that we walk up a steep trail on loose gravel and yell at the kids to “get back here or I will spank your butt.” When you are young you don’t think about plummeting to your death in the creek below. When you are old you just get mad that you are walking down a stupid trail instead of sitting in front of the gift shop eating ice cream.
The Lamar Valley was next. They say it is the savannah of Yellowstone, except as my brother pointed out you can’t go ripping across the meadows in a Land Rover and then blow through the rivers while chasing down exotic critters. Instead, if you drive more than 45 mph they pull you over, ask for your license and registration and tease your kids (ask Austin about that one). At least they didn’t give him a ticket.
My daughters fascination with animals continued. “I want to see a bear.” Then we saw one. “I want to see a buffalo.” Then we saw a bunch. Sadly they are starting to think that their every wish and desire will be fulfilled at will. We tried to explain that we can’t just make the animals appear on cue, but they keep appearing so we loose. I still haven’t been able to see a bear eat anyone. What a disappointment.
Speaking of crappy experiences, we ate, or rather suffered through a meal at the Roosevelt Lodge. Getting a table took and hour and a half. Getting food took another 30 mins. Eating the food was a mediocre experience. If you are going to eat in the park take your food with you. Most of the staff we dealt with had a lower IQ than the inbred park Buffalo. Xanterra needs to get it together there. For the record the guy behind the gift counter was nice. The guys smoking on the porch were ass holes. Apparently, Wyoming still has lame smoking laws that let you blow cancer dust in everyone’s face. I would have really like to see one of those guys get eaten by a bear:
Bear 1: “Hey Bob, look. Smoked jerk tonight.”
Bear 2: “No way those guys will give you cancer.”
Believe it or not this concludes most of our family trip.
OK, not. A couple of interesting facts about the park:
- The only place you can make a cell phone call on your iPhone is at Old Faithful. They take this whole primitive thing way to far.
- Edge doesn’t work anywhere so you can’t check your email in Yellowstone. This will force you to focus more on your family whether you like it or not.
- 18 miles in Yellowstone is like driving to California. 35mph is way slow. I am pretty sure they are trying to help you recreate traveling the park by horse and carriage.
- If you try to drive faster than 35 mph in the park you will most likely plow into a Buffalo and die or plummet 1000 feet and die.
- There are bears in this park so if you plan on tent camping then you can think of yourself as a snack in an easy to open package.